A few of my favorite hand written mantras:
Where we began is really where we always need to be.
I'm not hard to be around, I just don't want to live your life.
Before social networks, e-mails and cell phones life was in the moment. Not on.
Living in the mountains taught me sustainability. Living on the seacoast brought me home.
- Beth -
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Make Yourself Necessary
We all know those kinds of people who just makes themselves...necessary. The first person I met like this was Diane. Probably the most unattractive woman physically, but she could sure put herself together. She always looked stunning. Even she thought she was stunning. I was always intrigued by that. She clearly had some wonderful mothering. She wasn't especially interesting. She was quite rich. We often lunched out in her Mercedes. She couldn't read a map or get a half mile down the road to find my house, despite a dozen or so trips to it. I am told she became a registered nurse. Diane made herself necessary.
The next person I met was a woman with whom I worked in a managed care company. My memory of her is all about her fingernails. They were acrylic. It was 1992 and they were Amy's power nails. She was louder than loud. Very necessary. Commanding.
Ken was more than knowledgeable. He was a solid carpenter and quite expensive. He wanted to be in charge but came about it in an unassuming way. Partnered, he often invited me to dinner. Even picked up the tab. In time, I realized he wanted my contacts. We worked together on a project. I made it clear to him that I didn't care about being the pivotal person. I just wanted to put the group together. To be a part of it. For a while, he was quite necessary. Even he thought so. Then one day, I removed myself from the group I started. I knew under his tutelage, the group would flounder. Sadly, it did. He unnecessaried himself. Fast.
We make others necessary because we leave ourselves. It is well nigh time to make ourselves the necessary ones. We are the ones we have been waiting for.
The next person I met was a woman with whom I worked in a managed care company. My memory of her is all about her fingernails. They were acrylic. It was 1992 and they were Amy's power nails. She was louder than loud. Very necessary. Commanding.
Ken was more than knowledgeable. He was a solid carpenter and quite expensive. He wanted to be in charge but came about it in an unassuming way. Partnered, he often invited me to dinner. Even picked up the tab. In time, I realized he wanted my contacts. We worked together on a project. I made it clear to him that I didn't care about being the pivotal person. I just wanted to put the group together. To be a part of it. For a while, he was quite necessary. Even he thought so. Then one day, I removed myself from the group I started. I knew under his tutelage, the group would flounder. Sadly, it did. He unnecessaried himself. Fast.
We make others necessary because we leave ourselves. It is well nigh time to make ourselves the necessary ones. We are the ones we have been waiting for.
Anew
It is close to the end of this calendar year. Time to delete all the frustrations I have
written. Time to release them to the
wind. Maybe that is why it has been so
windy of late.
Some say this full moon this 28th day of December
is the reason for the gloominess, maybe it is the end of the frustration. It's been my nearly constant companion way too long. Point blank,
this life can be tough. My mind can be
tough. It has been like this for the
past three years. Mostly.
But I still feel wise. I know what I know. I know my truth. But where is the adventure? Have I found it but haven't accessed it? Maybe I don't need to find it. Maybe I am already living it? Why doesn't it feel comfy?
Then I wonder about the melancholy. I grow weary of being told I am deep. If you see me as deep, you are way too shallow. That in and of itself, says a lot about the kinds of people I can be around. Scorpios require depth. We see things in wholeness. I understand others might not. I, too, have my own limitations. I love deep, centered folks. Open folks. Funny folks. Positive folks.
I think this disillusionment it really began, or at least I felt it as such when
I organized a group of environmentalists to bring about some well needed
changes in the county where I lived for a decade or so in the south. One particular
fellow, whose company I had enjoyed in the past…just friends... showed his true
colors. To say I was more than
disappointed is an understatement. As I organized the group with no particular ownership to it, I made a simple requirement. There would be no centralized leader. We would all have a vested interested. When this fellow dominated the group, I made a gracious exit. No explanation. I was done. Finito. It
was at that point that I felt more than empty.
Empty. My reason for being in the mountains was finished. I could no longer function in the person I had become.
It seemed that my course was set to change. Life does that. Gives you obstacles through which you need to
navigate in order to come back to yourself.
The trouble is I am not feeling back to myself. I am not sure any more just what that is. I have changed. I've always felt hopeful. Until now. I feel
sad. Numb. Lost.
In being lost, maybe I am finding a new course. A new self. One that is more sustainable. Maybe my jaunt to the mountains was about that. To learn sustainability. To find that elusive grounding. Whatever it is, I surrender.
Could it be that in the surrender one is made anew? I hope so.
Full Moon Today
Full Moon December 28th, 2012. Now that you’re going to be here for awhile…
Moon as seen from the Earth. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
We’re at this point between epochs, between ages. We’re undergoing a huge evolutionary leap. And change never seems to happen from a place of comfort. Hence, for most of us, these have been very tensional times. We can’t take any baggage to where we’re going.
It is the case that our karmic patterns, those looping lessons, each have their own life-force energy. And like all living beings, they have a survival instinct. Coyote-style, they know when we become aware of them. And they know when we’re vulnerable, paying attention to too many other things, so they can loop back around and bite us.
Welcome to the holidays! And welcome to the Full Moon of December, 2012.
Pretend for a moment that I’m the great Phillip Marlowe, delivering one of his breathtakingly dry understatements. After I’ve watched you take your fifth shot with all the old pals, or run your credit card dry at the mall, or hide in the bathroom while the rest of the family talks about how worried about you they are, I’d offer you a smoke and say, “… the holidays bring up a lot of old stuff, don’t they.”
And it’s funny because here we are at the end of 2012, post-ascension. We’re all 5d and stuff. But a lot of those patterns survived. The pressure to buy a flurry of gifts that you haven’t really thought about and can’t really afford; the black loneliness of actually not being able to afford ANY gifts, or of not having any family; the “Christmas spirit” of overeating and over drinking, etc. et. al… they all seem to have survived the end of the Mayan calendar too.
And it’s good to admit it. Another, even wilier pattern would be to pretend that the holidays don’t open any doorways for your past to come through. Whatever your vision of the “perfect holiday” is, I’d be willing to bet pretty high on any one of three things – you either ran yourself ragged trying to make sure it happened, or, you have feelings of inadequacy around having not quite achieved it, or, your pretense of attaining the vision is so stretched out and brittle that other people are tiptoeing around you, wondering when you’ll crash.
Please understand, I’m not saying that it’s impossible to have a really beautiful holiday experience – especially now. And I really hope you have. But there are a lot of astrological factors that tell me it’s likely that “… a lot of old stuff” has come up. The ongoing Pluto/Uranus square has a lot to do with it, trying to push us through the bottom of whatever molds we’re encased in. Jupiter, Ceres and Vesta are all retrograde in Gemini, causing a chaotic blend of desires to escape the pressure and continue to fit into those old molds. Saturn and Pluto, Karma and Fate, are squeezing us all towards the random escape routes that retrograde Jupiter can find. Let them. They’re asking you to stop pretending to be perfect.
In my way of looking at things, the greatest gift anyone can give is to reveal their heart, to crack open wide and be brave enough to say “here I am. I am me, and glad to be me. I am ready to see you.” This is the gift of compassion and forgiveness that transcends all blood line and societal karmas. And I think that that’s what all the astrological pressures I listed above are asking of each of us. To give the gift of our hearts – to each other and to the Earth.
It is no longer possible to look for 12.21.12 to release you from being human. In fact, it was human of you to think that it was going to set you free from your looping, from Saturn or Pluto – so I thank you for all the heart you gave to that.
And I ask you now to use the rest of your life to open your heart to being here. The Earth is an extremely interesting place to inhabit.
Have you ever looked into the tides? They’re essentially bulges in the Earth’s oceans that follow the meeting point between the Sun and the Moon. Just trying to grasp what causes them and to then work into your vision of them the spinning of the Earth is, for me at least, way better than a Rubik’s cube. And it gets even cooler when you realize that these same forces actually change the shape of the Earth, at certain times bulging the crust nearly two feet. Physicists at the big particle accelerators have to take into account the way the Sun and Moon change the shape of the Earth every day in order to accurately measure the results of their experiments.
Maybe 3d isn’t as static and confining as we used to think, huh?
Beyond the physical effects, I find a great deal of meaning in the Sun/Moon relationship. And I am hopeful now that 12.21.12 has passed that more people will take an interest in the metaphysical growth opportunities their dance offers.
On 12.28.12, at 5:21 AM Eastern Time, the Moon is Full in the 8th degree of the sign of Cancer, Opposite the Sun in the 8th degree of Capricorn. When you think about the physical effects of the Sun and Moon being on opposite sides of the Earth, you get a sense of how the Full Moon feels – for me, there is always a sense of being pulled apart.
But what is being taught is openness. I think of New Moons as very personal, intention-setting opportunities, while the Full Moon is the opportunity to check in with the tribe to see how each has done with their New Moon intentions. As this Moon coincides with a major holiday weekend and a lot of outer-planet pressure, I feel like it’s going to be a strong opportunity to “check in with the tribe.” And given all the retrograde energy in Gemini, I’ll just go ahead and predict that a lot of people will go to great lengths to keep their emotions safe from all that pressure. In other words – for many people it’s going to be a hell of a party.
Not that I have anything particularly against that, it’s just that I think there is something much richer and more rewarding about joining the sacred circle instead of heading for the mosh pit. Whatever you do, I hope you feel good about it afterwards.
I invite you to think of this Full Moon as an opportunity to practice the open-hearted oneness that we are evolving towards. During the night of the 27th especially, I encourage you to share your feelings with those closest to you. Make time for a heart-to-heart about what you experienced during the Solstice and the Holidays – whether it was beautiful or difficult, whether you were loved or feared. This will be a great opportunity to “clear the air,” that is, dissolve some of the barriers around your heart.
May you see the Love at the center of each being you meet!
With Love,
Jon
We can’t bomb nature into submission, but we CAN love her into health!
Now is the time, and you are the one.
Thank you,
Jon Waldrup
Incarnational Astrologer
(208) 290-8578
Skype: fulfillmentdegree30
Source: http://jhaines6.wordpress.com/2012/12/27/full-moon-december-28th-2012-now-that-youre-going-to-be-here-for-awhile/
I Was Home
More rain than one could imagine. Barrelsful. Then a pause. Snow. Not accumulating to much along seacoast New England. That's how I like it. It's dreaming weather. Those times you get deep into your luscious history.
Louise has been in my dream lately. She lived on Drury Lane. In second grade, she drew pictures of horses. One she named after her street in Baltimore. It was Louise who made me want to draw. Horses. And I got quite good at it. I wonder how Louise is today. She was just so nice.
Nice. It's quite a word. I am remembering all the nice people in my life. The dreamers, too. I was one of the daydreamers in school. Lifelong. But I got to live one of mine beginning in the late 1990s. After the marriage had completed, and I was a bird out of a cage, my heart opened to more possibilities. This time it would be solo. I might partner but I wouldn't marry. Now.
I've often written about the Smokies. That beautiful spot in your mind that you just can't imagine it could be a real place. Only when you fly over it you know the truth. It is more than real. Maybe that is why it is the most visited of the national parks. It also became my home.
My home was on the side of a mountain. I don't know that there is a name for it. Most of the mountains in the area are named. Mule Pen Mountain stands in front of my porch. I do know it is one of the very best things I have ever done for myself. It's a mere 1.49 acres of heavily forested land. For sale. The place that in time, became a retreat. A preserve. Every imaginable forest animal traversed the land. They knew they were safe. I was more than safe. I was home.
But circumstances change and it was time for another adventure. Leaving it was bittersweet. The loneliness became intolerable after I unpartnered. Again by choice. Partners can be fun if they grow with you. Some can't and need to continue their own adventure. You have more to experience.
After I found a suitable place to dwell in seacoast New Hampshire, it was time to pack up my things. I couldn't leave the mountains fast enough. Not so much because I wanted to, but because the pain of doing so was unbearable. How could I leave this place that gave so much to me? So much to a woman whose heart was broken. So much joy, so many memories. A history that was my choosing. A place that will always be in my heart. And more gratitude that anyone can imagine.
Sometimes I want desperately to return. But then, I would have to leave it. Maybe it is better not to visit. It's a very long drive. Eighteen hours by car. This experience of leaving a beloved home is foreign to me. I have always returned to every home, every state I have lived in. More than once. But this place is in my heart. Deeply. I have a few close friends there. They understand. I yearn to see them. To know they are okay. But I also know they will soon begin their own journeys. Away. Their hearts yearn to explore, too.
My heart was on the side of a mountain. For eleven years. I was home.
Louise has been in my dream lately. She lived on Drury Lane. In second grade, she drew pictures of horses. One she named after her street in Baltimore. It was Louise who made me want to draw. Horses. And I got quite good at it. I wonder how Louise is today. She was just so nice.
Nice. It's quite a word. I am remembering all the nice people in my life. The dreamers, too. I was one of the daydreamers in school. Lifelong. But I got to live one of mine beginning in the late 1990s. After the marriage had completed, and I was a bird out of a cage, my heart opened to more possibilities. This time it would be solo. I might partner but I wouldn't marry. Now.
I've often written about the Smokies. That beautiful spot in your mind that you just can't imagine it could be a real place. Only when you fly over it you know the truth. It is more than real. Maybe that is why it is the most visited of the national parks. It also became my home.
My home was on the side of a mountain. I don't know that there is a name for it. Most of the mountains in the area are named. Mule Pen Mountain stands in front of my porch. I do know it is one of the very best things I have ever done for myself. It's a mere 1.49 acres of heavily forested land. For sale. The place that in time, became a retreat. A preserve. Every imaginable forest animal traversed the land. They knew they were safe. I was more than safe. I was home.
But circumstances change and it was time for another adventure. Leaving it was bittersweet. The loneliness became intolerable after I unpartnered. Again by choice. Partners can be fun if they grow with you. Some can't and need to continue their own adventure. You have more to experience.
After I found a suitable place to dwell in seacoast New Hampshire, it was time to pack up my things. I couldn't leave the mountains fast enough. Not so much because I wanted to, but because the pain of doing so was unbearable. How could I leave this place that gave so much to me? So much to a woman whose heart was broken. So much joy, so many memories. A history that was my choosing. A place that will always be in my heart. And more gratitude that anyone can imagine.
Sometimes I want desperately to return. But then, I would have to leave it. Maybe it is better not to visit. It's a very long drive. Eighteen hours by car. This experience of leaving a beloved home is foreign to me. I have always returned to every home, every state I have lived in. More than once. But this place is in my heart. Deeply. I have a few close friends there. They understand. I yearn to see them. To know they are okay. But I also know they will soon begin their own journeys. Away. Their hearts yearn to explore, too.
My heart was on the side of a mountain. For eleven years. I was home.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
The Workout
We've survived whatever December 21, 2012 was about. This blogger thinks it is a shift in consciousness. Do you feel it? We've also survived relationships that didn't serve us too well. We knew this going in. Maybe next time we will listen to our intelligence ~ our highest intuition. Right?
We have also survived all the ways we were poorly socialized. The belief systems we were led into as babies, then bought into as we grew. All done unconsciously. Have you examined these? All of them?
I bet you smiled at this. Feels a bit too familiar, eh? Instead, let's just laugh it off. It is just such a silly thing. Have you laughed off all your seriousness about yourself, too? We take ourselves way too serious. I can sure attest to that. Great on the theory, daily workouts with the application.
So many people put their efforts toward a physical workout while ignoring the inner one. The one that keeps us stuck, berating ourselves, made at others for not being what we want them to be. But are we being what we want us to be? Now that...is the kicker.
As the year comes to a completion and another begins anew, what attributes are you taking into 2013? Are you allowing others to be who they are? Are you loving yourself enough? Does your kindness and compassion extend within. First?
Have a loving 2013!
We have also survived all the ways we were poorly socialized. The belief systems we were led into as babies, then bought into as we grew. All done unconsciously. Have you examined these? All of them?
I bet you smiled at this. Feels a bit too familiar, eh? Instead, let's just laugh it off. It is just such a silly thing. Have you laughed off all your seriousness about yourself, too? We take ourselves way too serious. I can sure attest to that. Great on the theory, daily workouts with the application.
So many people put their efforts toward a physical workout while ignoring the inner one. The one that keeps us stuck, berating ourselves, made at others for not being what we want them to be. But are we being what we want us to be? Now that...is the kicker.
As the year comes to a completion and another begins anew, what attributes are you taking into 2013? Are you allowing others to be who they are? Are you loving yourself enough? Does your kindness and compassion extend within. First?
Have a loving 2013!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Mr.Bump-On-The-Log: Part 2
"Call me when you get home."
Beth was in the middle of a Rumble Bumble gym with her family when the call came in.
"I won't be home til late."
"Just call me when you are in."
Beth didn't like the insistence. Demanding nature of his edict. So she called him when she was about to fall asleep that night. She was beyond exhausted. She was Emergency Room material.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Fine."
"Come down and give me a hug."
"I just told you I am in bed, absolutely exhausted."
Silence.
More silence.
"All kidding aside, come down and give me a hug."
"I can't. I can't move. I am exhausted and I am going to sleep soon."
"The hell with you."
The phone was silent.
Beth laughed uncontrollably.
Thank you. Thank you so very much. Confirmation is the best. Thank you for affirming what I thought all along. You are one jerk. Of course, this fell to deaf ears but it didn't matter. Beth was the one she was waiting for.
And she couldn't wait to return the few items he lent her. She was more than done. In fact, she beamed.
Beth was in the middle of a Rumble Bumble gym with her family when the call came in.
"I won't be home til late."
"Just call me when you are in."
Beth didn't like the insistence. Demanding nature of his edict. So she called him when she was about to fall asleep that night. She was beyond exhausted. She was Emergency Room material.
"Hi. How are you?"
"Fine."
"Come down and give me a hug."
"I just told you I am in bed, absolutely exhausted."
Silence.
More silence.
"All kidding aside, come down and give me a hug."
"I can't. I can't move. I am exhausted and I am going to sleep soon."
"The hell with you."
The phone was silent.
Beth laughed uncontrollably.
Thank you. Thank you so very much. Confirmation is the best. Thank you for affirming what I thought all along. You are one jerk. Of course, this fell to deaf ears but it didn't matter. Beth was the one she was waiting for.
And she couldn't wait to return the few items he lent her. She was more than done. In fact, she beamed.
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