Coming Of Age

Coming of age often means a time of reflecting.  Looking back, seeing yourself as you thought you were.  Seeing those with whom you interact.  Wondering if your vision was an accurate one. Wondering if you were too deep inside yourself. Wondering...

Frost wrote,

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

But did it?  Aren't the roads really the same? Is there really any difference?  Are they interchangeable? Or are they a means to justify an end? 

Are we just too focus on the individual? 

Because in the end, any road takes us closer to ourself or further away.  Our soul always knows what is right for us.  We don't, however, always listen.

What is your soul telling you?

All The Ways

It was that very moment when I knew things had to change. An epiphany of sorts. It is all the ways we avoid taking responsibility for ourselves.  The friend that didn't call to ask whether we got the job.  Or if we recovered well from surgery.  A happy birthday phone call.  Or even being in someone's home.  They return late from work, pour themselves a glass of wine and don't bother to ask if you would like one, too.  The sadness one feels at being forgotten.  Switch that up and one could sum it up by not asking for the things you want.  But times continue to change and what worked fifty years ago, isn't applicable today.  Younger generations don't know that.  But they will. Especially as their own mortality closes in.

You see the younger generation believe, as they do that you will speak up for yourself.  Help yourself.  They do so they naturally think you will do it as well.  They simply don't understand or care about generational change.  They care more about themselves.  I reduce it to lack of manners.  Of thought. I imagine my own parents felt the same way.

This all began nearly fifty years ago.  It had something to do with the marriage, although I haven't quite worked that out completely.  Prior to that, I just took care of whatever I needed. Maybe it was in the person with whom I chose to spend my life.  Maybe early on my bodymind knew I was totally on my own but it didn't register in the brain.  Clearly! So maybe I sought this out in others.  Who knows.

As I attempt to recover from my own foibles and laughter at having typed that in the first place, my thoughts return to the film, The Wife.  It is remarkably profound in so many ways.  A talented writer, for reasons discussed in the film, leaves what could have been a stellar writing career to look after her husband.  That not so tacit understanding that she wasn't good enough, a female who wouldn't be published because female writers weren't taken seriously back then,  coupled with his egomaniacal nature left her in the dust.  At least, not authored. Or recognized.

Turning seventy is a decade of reflection.  Reflecting on the people who have been close to you.  Cared for and about you.  Those you will leave behind, those who will continue with you.  I've been doing a lot of the former lately.  Uneven relationships.  All completed.  No sadness, regrets, just moving on.

So in all of this what you are really doing is making other people more important than yourself.  And that realization is the moment that everything changed.

Me, Too?

Sexual harassment?

Why has this become a partisan issue of late?  It is well nigh sad that exposing this becomes a political issue.  It is well nigh sad that the stigma forever against people telling their story is one of backlash.

"Oh, she enjoyed it" is often said.

"She encouraged it."

Nearly every female has suffered sexual harrassment of some sort. Others have been groped, raped, denied promotions unless they pay the game.

This doesn't just happen to women.

I sat through the Anita Hill hearings against Clarence Hill, the Supreme Court nominee.  Her statement was totally blown off.  This man should not be on the other side of the bench.  He should be a defendent. He should have been imprisoned.  He should have gotten professional help to handle his violent behavior, if the courts deem it so.

The Me, Too movement exposed the vast numbers of people subject to this predatory behavior.  The Catholic Church hid theirs forever.

Once again, we see a perspective Supreme Court nominee.  Let history NOT repeat itself.

Sexual harassment? Rape?  You tell me.

What A Compliment!

You know how I feel about self-aggrandizers.  Fb is full of them.  I am a bit hesitant to share this good news but I shall.

A friend from out of town who has owned a gallery of fine artistan crafts and paintings visited this weekend.  As they were completing a tour of my cottage home, I mentioned the watercolors on the wall were mine.

My friend queried me several times.

"Yours?"

She saw them, liked them and didn't realize I painted them.  She wanted to see more.  I presented several to her.

She looked at me and said the kindest words.  I am too shy to share them and it really doesn't matter.  I paint because I must.  It just feels good.  It doesn't matter what others think because I enjoy them.  I won't share my work in a gallery, yet I have been asked on several occasions.  It is just my way of looking at the world.

But really. What a compliment!

Happy Anniversary!

47 years ago today, I got married.  September 5, 1971.  It was the only free time my fiance had between his many activities including law school.

That initially told me a lot.  Limited time to get married?  What about time to live a marriage? Either way, I celebrate this day.  I celebrate for all the love and care in my heart that lasted 30 years, 28 of them married ones.  I celebrate for the precious lives of my children.  And maybe most importantly, I celebrate me.

This isn't an ego celebration.  I am just passing through. I celebrate the me that was conceived from two good people.  Their marriage completed as well - after 25 years.  I celebrate the honor, integrity and love that is a part of a healthy marriage.  And I celebrate a goal of doing no harm.

Friends are in town.  They are on their way to Vermont.  Got a text last evening that they would like to meet.  I knew they would be up here soon.  So this is dandy.

I kind of think my friends will return to New England - from whence both were born.  They love skiing and ski often.  They've been married a long time, too.  A very healthy marriage indeed.

Way too much going on next week so I will just enjoy the moment.

Hello, September

Well, hi there!

I'd sure like you to take your time getting us fully into autumn.  With the move and all, I missed a lot of summer.  Even though I do my daily walks to Starbucks and have become a regular there, I still need more time in the sun.

Just about everyone knows my name there now.  I'm getting to know the regulars there, too.

Two white dogwoods were planted this week.  The mums are in the front garden, the only garden, is mulched. Trees have been trimmed.  We are looking good!

My birthday plans are congealed. My son is flying up and he and my daughter are spending the weekend together!  Then we are going out to dinner at a nearby marina.

The three musketeers - all together again - just us!

My air conditioning gets installed next week.  The following day my sister-in-law, my brother's first wife is coming for a visit next week.  A friend from the south will be in Vermont the following week.  Not sure if I will trek the necessary four hours to connect.  I've had so much going on here lately. But I would sure like to catch up!

Running The AT?

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Running The AT?

The Appalachian Trail is a 2,200 mile journey over mountains, roads, towns and farmland.  Historically, it has become a mindful journey.  A long and challenging walk through yourself.

While it is a hike through some of the most beautiful land on the eastern coast, it also has its challenges.  Black bear, poisonous snakes, insect bites, rough terrain, mosquitoes, and poison ivy. Among other not so healthly experiences, the mind also has its own journey.

You mostly walk with self, often accompanied by other thru-hikers.  But you do the bulk of the trail work inside yourself.  That can include climbing over fallen trees, rocks, streams.  It also includes working out your head stuff.

Like so many things so simplistic for the gifts they offer, walking the trail has become a sort of record thing.  Speed  Like Ms. Pharr who ran the 2,200 miles meeting her husband nightly with food and supplies.  Or the recent person who beat her journey.  Now the Belgian dentist,  Karel Sabbe, has topped Ms. Pharr's record. Most of the thru-hikers carry their own packs. They have designed restocking sites.  There is no time clock other than the weather.

I wonder if we now should be measuring the JOY one has in completing a task, walking the walk.  Maybe it is time to compete to see who grows more academically, emotionally, is in better shape than their counterparts.

I thought the measurement, if there is one, was to be inner growth. It wasn't about bragging rights, appearing in recreational magazines. Here is what was written about the experience:

"Hiking the trail is not just a physical accomplishment; it’s transformative in other ways as well. Hikers’ experiences of rebirth are not merely figurative and don’t always disappear after the hike is over. Some feel they’re communing with God while on the trail; for others, it restores their faith in humanity. Because hikers are away from family, friends, and significant others for weeks or months at a time, they must trust and rally behind one another. More than one romantic relationship and countless friendships have started on the trail and continued once the hike is over. The trail has its “sacred sites” — not only gatherings like Trail Days but also the shelters, camping areas, and towns along the way, where hikers laugh, dance, and tell stories of adventures, of hiker traditions, of trail magic, and of the heroes and legends that have grown up around the arduous walk. It also has its sacred texts, in the form of guidebooks and shelter journals, which hikers sign upon arrival at each outpost, debating philosophy, telling jokes, letting others know about “unfriendlies” in the area, working through their own inner struggles, and inspiring those whose energy is flagging. Many are at a crossroads in life and are searching for answers, and their fellow travelers or the trail itself eventually provide them, though the revelations do not come quickly or easily."

https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2015/09/09/inside-mind-appalachian-trail-hiker/HZQS53jPKcj6wirW2Ll0LM/story.html

Remind me again, what kind of 'trail magic' you are getting when you run the AT?