Bye

This is my last entry.  Maybe forever. I don't know.  It doesn't matter.

How do I show my authentic self?  My fears.  My worries. Courage.

I am having an emergency ultrasound tomorrow.  It is timely.  For the past few week, mostly, since I hired Allied Van Lines to move my things back from NH that they have repeatedly, incompetently messed things up.  They even charged me more than they said.

I hate these corporations.  I hate that people do not stand up for what is right. That this government cares more about itself than the people who fund it.

For 50 years, yes 50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have lived with abandonment.  It is true.  Rarely is anyone there for me.  I learned to live with that reality many years ago.  Yes, I am strong.  I am human.  I have my own set of fears. Now I said it.  Now I am done.

Tomorow at 12:30 p.m. EST I have an emergency procedure.  I am glad to be having it.  It made me comes to terms with all I shoulder.  My body is falling apart.  I can't do it any more. Now shall I.

Wish me luck.  Wish yourself luck, too!

Bye.

Clouds Roll By

There are aspects to spring that few recognize.  The flowers are lovely, colorful and open us up to a warmer time.  There is lots of rain.  Soaking thunderstorms, runoff and puddles.

                                                                   photo by NB

Dense cloud cover encircles us.  Protecting. Nurturing. 

Spring reminds me of friendships blooming and re-blooming.  Of those close to you picking up on nuances, asking to get together, offering help in a myriad of ways. You do the same for them because you care. 

NB is like that.  More tuned in than most.  A renaissance person.  A leader.  I am lucky to be in NB's company.  Anyone is.  Doing it all.  And what a reserve!

Thank you for this.  For showing me views my own clouding obscures.  Have a beautiful day, my friend.

The sun is indeed out!

Energy Change!

"Your intuitive energy is quite powerful today! That could mean that you’re in the right space to take care of something tricky that has been on the back burner, so brace yourself and get on it!"

astrology.com

They sure called it today.  That something tricky has been upsetting me for a while.  But good friends, especially one, changed the energy.

Thank you!

Chocolate

If you are reading me closely, you will know this has been one odd week.  Odd!

Today is mercury in retrograde.  Communications are off and things are odd.  Again.  I am feeling out of sorts with so many things hanging.  But hey, I have lived for three months with things in the air so this just means some things have gotten easier. 

I've got some family things going on which are really upsetting.  Not much I can do about them but hold onto my own space.  Right now I could use one long weekend hug.  I wouldn't want it to end. 

The good news is that things are always how they are.  Tragedies.  Triumphs. Slowly, I am sorting my way through all of this.  I know this sounds vague.  Just bear with.

So what's a person to do?  Bake chocolate bark.  With walnuts. Plant flowers.  Walk.  Smile.

Catching Up

It's been two days since half of my things were moved in.  Each time I sit in the chaise, I fall asleep.  Clearly, my sleep pattern is off again.  No doubt because I have switched beds again.  But this time, It is MY bed!

We've had a few days of glorious weather.  Blue skies, fresh air, warm weather.  Everything is coming up in the garden.  I missed seeing the blooming in 2013.  When I ponder that loss, it just doesn't fit.  I missed so much these eighteen months when I was away. I also gained a bundle in experiences and personal growth.  Met some really nice people as well.

Coming home feels so good.  It will be a while until my home doesn't feel distant. So. metimes I don't want to leave. I just want to be home.

The dogs are a bit out of sorts.  It could be their ages as well.  They are turning 12 and 13 this month and they are getting up there for cocker spaniels.  I have never had a spaniel live beyond age 14.  So this is bittersweet.  One of my dogs, the younger one who is turning 12 had an enlarged heart.  The veterinarian says she has another year or two at best.  She continues to be active, happy and the little dickens she has always been.

A friend invited me to lunch today.  That was delightful.  We both commented that we need to get back into air conditioning as it was pretty hot standing on the sidewalk hugging goodbye.  This particular friend and her husband did a round the United States sailboat trip a few years ago.  She is one interesting friend!  I am lucky to have lots of them.

Today I am just plain tired.  I've been doing a great deal.  Tonight I am just going to rest.  Most likely I will just stay in bed.  It will be an easy weekend.