A Long Night With Molly

This past few days, I have smelled death in my house.  My heart told me it would be one of my dogs.  Jessy, the younger, age 12, has a heart murmur and her heart is huge.  Literally and figuratively.  Her older sister by a year, Molly, has seemed to be in good health.  That is, until last night. 

At about eight o'clock, both dogs were sent outside to the bathroom.  I put them in their room earlier in the evening now.  Mostly because of Molly. She is hard to arouse when she falls asleep about seven o'clock in the evening.  Jessy usually is asleep as well beside Molly in the living room. 

Awaking Molly means you stand back.  She often does not know where she is or who I am.  Jessy arouses her friendly and easy self.  Sometimes Jessy looks lost.  I believe both dogs are experiencing some type of organic brain syndrome.  I don't expect either to live another year.  Nor does the veterinarian.  Cocker spaniels typically have a lifespan of fourteen years.

I was in bed early last night.  This was to be my retreat weekend after a 2,400 mile road trip to see my children and visit New England. I thought about the dogs on my trip.  Something told me one of them was not in good health. Just a feeling.  I have learned to listen to my intuition.

The entire day yesterday was spent easy. Cooking, light cleaning, gardening.  Even an early morning trip to the local Farmer's Market, a latte and I was home by eleven a.m.

Molly seemed fine throughout the day, even when I put her to bed.  As I was about to turn off the light in my bedroom, I heard a consistent thumping. At first, I thought it was a washing machine sound but I had already done the laundry.  Then I wondered if the water heater was having an issue.  Ever so carefully I walked toward the utility room where the dogs were sleeping.  Immediately, I saw Molly on her left side, paws flailing and banging against the floor. She had heavily soiled herself and the room so I got in as carefully as possible.  Immediately, I started Reiki on her.  In time, it seemed to help.  She tried to stand and fell repeatedly.  Then she jumped on me again and again. 

As soon as she seemed somewhat stable, nearly an hour or so later, I took her outside to toilet.  She was in her harness and leash at that point.  Mostly for her safety.  It was obvious she had to be contained. She walked up the stairs easily enough. The crate I use for isolating the dogs was put up and Molly placed inside after a quick spotted bath.  She seemed to calm down some. 

Throughout the night, I checked on her until my body could no longer stay awake. By five a.m. I was up and both dogs were ready, standing by the gate to the room where they sleep.  Molly seemed fine.

Here: Where They Are

Beth has been weary for too long.  Her head aches with information.  Knowings.  She has done what she was asked to do.  Others can merely do what they want with the information presented.  The veils are dropping. 

They come when night falls.  In the shadows in her room, hall.  Front porch.  Sometimes small stones are found in the backyard.  She hears them tossed.  Her antenna is up.  Aware.  There is nothing more Beth can do. 

They are here. 

She watches the environmentalists run from one perceived crisis to another.  Now it is fracking.  A ploy to take the attention off the pipeline that will soon be pushed through.  Just like the non-disclosure of fracking chemicals so deftly pushed through the North Carolina Legislature. 

They continue to toss the crumbs.  Like foul they run hither and yond.  Shirt sleeves are rolled up, data is collected.  It is well nigh intense.  Lots of meetings.  Beth attends.  She is mindful of what is really going on.  Sure, they will frack if they can. 

The real story is above.  Ships are seen daily now.  It a kind of a dome situation.  Movies like Hunger Games attract the masses.  They want to see fear, death, brutality.  They don't know it.  They, too, are following the bread crumbs.

Beth is home on retreat.  Resting.  Quiet.  She loves her own good company.  Best. 

The sounds continue.  Shadows are evident everywhere.  They are here.

Shame! Norton/Symanec

Shame on you Norton/Symanec!

No one authorized you to charge my credit card $79.99 for a subscription on my computer.  I only used last years subscription until the end of December.  Yes, I got rid of my old computer. Over eight months ago!

How is it the responsibility is shifted from your company to me?  Your customer service/tech support person said I was sent two e-mails regarding this charge.  Apparently, you think that you can access MY credit card by sending out e-mails.  I do not need to deny or respond to any e-mail.  I did not request this service. And, I spent way too long on the phone correcting this.

And yes, my dear readers, I did call my credit card company.  I am told this charge will be reversed by the Norton/Symanec people.  But I will not be using this product.  Nope.  Not ever.

Hugs ~

B

Diversion 101

Diversion tactics are everywhere.  They aren't just conspiracy theories.  They are happening.  Now.

Let's take the fracking issue in North Carolina for starters.  Jim Davis (R, Macon County) pushed a bill through exceedingly fast that states no one can disclose what chemicals are used in fracking.  Proprietary information, he tells us.

Baloney on that!  You won't tell us what chemicals are about to poison us?  C'mon. 

Yesterday, another legislator, Nathan Ramsey of the same political party, says that sampling rocks for fracking is a waste of money.  Really?  Excellent timing.

Between the time Davis pushed his no disclosure bill through in NC and the party of big business began to come out against fracking, concerned voters were scurrying about pushing through NO FRACKING HERE in various locales.

This isn't happenstance.  This is a well planned case of scattering bread crumbs so the chickens run from one spot to another. A tennis match and we were the ball.

You have to wonder what went on behind the scenes while taxpayers were trying to stop this fracking nightmare. 

Turn about is fair play. 

The Robin Williams we knew made us laugh.  Pause.  Reflect.  But there was another aspect of him.  Depression.

As a student at Cornell I did an experiment.  Since I was new in town, the community didn't know me so it was a good time to find this out.  I decided not to share my dark side but come from a place of peace, love and joy.  Everybody loved me.  I was invited to professor's houses for parties, out for lunch.  Dinner.  My phone constantly rang with friends inviting me out.

After about six months, I decided to show another side.  The days I was down, depressed.  Distant.  Not one person asked me about this.  My social life became quiet.  I got the answer I suspected.  

People love an upbeat person.  They want that in their own lives.  They want to affiliate with you.  But the moment that changes, they are no where to be found.  It was the best part of the Cornellian education.  I never forgot it.

I have suffered from depression lifelong.  It is easier now.  Maybe because I designed my life differently. Maybe the chemistry within has changed. I have let a lot of situational depression leave.  My belief system is healthier.  Investigate your expectations.  They are way too high in western society.  Love yourself enough.

It is believed that UFO abductees suffer depression lifelong.  That may be part of this.  Depression has a taste.  Sour.  

The best way, I have discovered to help a depressed person is to just be there for them.  Tell them that.  Tell them over and over.  

Robin Williams made us laugh.  He also made us think.  Sadly, most people would have walked away from Robin's dark side, much like they did in my Cornellian experiment. 

O Captain! My Captain!

By Walt Whitman

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,

The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,

The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,

While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;

                         But O heart! heart! heart!

                            O the bleeding drops of red,

                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;

Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,

For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,

For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

                         Here Captain! dear father!

                            The arm beneath your head!

                               It is some dream that on the deck,

                                 You’ve fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,

My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,

The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,

From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;

                         Exult O shores, and ring O bells!

                            But I with mournful tread,

                               Walk the deck my Captain lies,

                                  Fallen cold and dead.

Rest in Peace, Robin. 

With No Mind

With no-mind, blossoms invite the butterfly;
With no-mind, the butterfly visits the blossoms.
When the flower blooms, the butterfly comes;
When the butterfly comes, the flower blooms.
I do not "know" others;
Others do not "know" me.
Not-knowing each other we naturally follow the Way.

-      18th Century Japanese poet, Ryokan

 

 

In western culture, so much of our experience is academic. At least among the fortunate-not-so-fortunate folks.  By that I mean the ways we are taught to understand the world around us.  We are given books to read, memorize all-to-often and assimilate.  Those of us who went the college route got through by pure memorization.  Rote.  We do know we retain only 15% of what we learn. Perhaps we need to learn another way?

 

Experiential, hands on learning is valuable.  The mind/body absorbs the information and the whole body retains it.  We know each cell has a brain and that learning is not limited to the brain in the head.  Perhaps we need to learn another way? Now.

 

Remember the last time you were outside.  Watched a butterfly?  Observed a flower blooming?  You didn't have to 'think' about it.  Or analyze it.  You observed natural processes.  You were one with them.  Your blood pressure lowered.  There was no fight-to-flight mechanism igniting.  You felt peace.  Yourself. 

 

You can bring this all back.

 

Naturally follow the way. 

Are There Any Accidents?

Tonight is the second super moon of the year.  It just means that this moon is the closest of the moons to earth.  For those of us who follow astrology, we know that planetary events affect our emotions.     If you are feeling strong emotions, know that it is all expectable.  Women will have a stronger sense of this as this super moon affects the feminine.

As we continue to evolve, we know that nothing is an accident.  We know that there is free will and human unconsciousness but the universe has the ultimate say.  Ultimately.  As I write this, I have been noticing my own experiences. The super moon shows us things to which we must pay attention.  Seeing the unusual name of someone over occur over and over; the town of an earthquaked city, a fracking site, a billboard.  Then seeing the numbers 1, 1:11, etc.  It doesn't stop here.  What is the universe telling me?  These things are not on my mind.  Why did I look at the USGS map at that particular moment, a fracking map, the clock.  There are no accidents.

The super moon also is about checking egos.  Speaking your truth.  Being honest about relationships that do not serve your highest good.  Moving on within your self.  Allowing people to be where they are.  A simple observation.  That does not mean you have to be a saint.  It means you have to realize there are no accidents.  People come into our lives for a reason.  We know the ones who will always stay.  They show us that in so many ways.  They are dear to our hearts. In our souls.

Ultimately, we realize we are mere conduits.  Servants.  Here to serve.  We don't own anything.  We are here for a reason.

There are no accidents.

Overhead Bucket

My brother was just full of imagination.  Even at twelve years old he was often sitting in his room plotting something.  He was exceeding quiet this day.

                                         photo was taken five years before the bucket event

I'd been downstairs learning to sew at ten years old.  After an hour sewing with my mother, I went up to my first floor room.  My brother was conspicuously absent.He wasn't in the living room, where he could often be found reading the Hardy Boys or a sci-fi book.

I proceeded to walk down our short hall in a tiny cape cod home.  Suddenly, I noticed a cord danging in the door jam.  I knew something had to be up.

With a swift tap of my foot in the direction of the bedroom door, I noticed a splash of water fall to the floor.  My mother's room was next to mine. She followed me up the stairs to prepare dinner. As she paused in the hall, her eyes gazed toward me.  Quietly, I motioned to her to observe this phenomenon. Again, I pushed the door open ever so gently.  More water splashed out.

Mom was mad!  She saw water dripping on the wood floor.  Knowing my petite size, she discerned the perpetrator fast.  My dad was volunteering at the firehouse so there was only one other person who could possibly have facilitated this scheme.  My brother.

Had I pushed the door open with my usual gusto, the bucket would have tipped, pouring water on my head.  He hoped he would have the last laugh.

He did not.  But I sure did!

The Chemistry Set

My brother was one curious person. He spent a lot of time in his head.  In books, some of which were comic books. He planned, strategized. The wheels were always turning. He even planned a near perfect bank robbery once. He was in his early teens then. Of course, he didn't pull it off.  He just liked planning things. This was the same brother who one Sunday afternoon mixed everything in his chemistry set.  I was in my room across the hall when I heard the explosion.  There was smoke everywhere.
My mother, who held advanced degrees in geophysics came running up the stairs.  She was silent looking around. 

"What happened?" she inquired.

"I mixed everything together to see what would happen," he said.

"Well, I guess you found out," she said softly.

My mother retreated downstairs back to her Agatha Christie novel.  Mom was like that.  Walls could be repaired. She liked curious people. 

A few days after I had sanded and plastered the two inch hole in the wall too many times to remember, I was finally able to paint it. Just two years his junior, I often worried about him. And for good reason.

It is noteworthy that my brother has undergraduate degrees in biology, chemistry and mathematics with a masters degree in math. He works in the IT field today. He doesn't mix chemicals anymore.

All About the People

It is pretty lame when you have patronized a cafe and they start shorting your latte. Just yesterday, my mug was not filled to the top as it had always been.  This happened another time last week and I observed their process.  Two weeks ago, the owner charged me for a medium latte - a first!   I used the same mug I bring in.  Yesterday was the final straw.

I was told they have to be more cost efficient.  These folks don't care about service.  They have high prices and expect customers to bus their finished meal to the recycling station.  For a while they agree to discount the mug you bring thereby saving them the cost of a paper cup. They agreed because I asked them to do it. This is a common place in our town.  It also encourages less environmental waste.

But these people don't care.  They blah blah blah about LOVE YOUR COMMUNITY.  They LOVE THEIR DOLLAR! Enough of them.

For too long I have defended them.  To friends, to passersby who don't like either the atmosphere, food or owners. I have heard more negatives about this cafe than any other place in town. 

Things are changing everywhere.  It is time to be part of that change and latte elsewhere.  Most likely my home.  It will ultimately be a good thing. 

The past few months have been real eye openers. I will be in seacoast New Hampshire soon.  The bad taste in my month from this event will be but a memory.  My friends tell me this cafe will be as well.

I do love my community.  It isn't about money.  It is all about the people.

Maintenance!

As I write you, the smoke detector is chirping away.  These things always chirp when we are asleep.  At 5 a.m. today I was awakened with that sound.  The chirping escalates over time - in both frequency and volume.    Nearly nine hours into the chirping (most of it I spent outside the house because of the noise) I awake relief. 

Despite a dozen attempts to remove the cover of the smoke detector, this one is stuck.  I have removed them before with ease.  Relief will come in the form of a helpful neighbor.  Fingers crossed it happens soon.  Otherwise, I will call an electrician.  A good night's sleep is so important.

My helping neighbors have not been too well.  One has metastasizing bladder cancer and the other had a couple of valves in his heart replaced.  The former is also moving back to his hometown.  His wife wants to be closer to their daughter.  Especially when the event occurs.  I am sadder than sad about all of this.

My other neighbor is a 6 foot 4 gentleman.  No doubt his size has a lot to do with his heart issues.  It takes a toll on the valves as they work hard to pump blood into his heart and keep it from going into the chambers.

Early in the week, the garage door light refused to shut off.  Again.  This is the third time since spring.  I expect to replace the circuit board soon. Miraculously, it shut off the other day.   I am more than grateful. 

Then I broke a sewing machine needle necessitating a drive to the store where I just purchased it to have the needle inserted properly.  It is a new machine and I am unfamiliar with this.  I didn't want to break another needle or risk damage to my dream Baby Lock, Elizabeth model for those in search of a computerized machine.  I love this machine!

There have been a few more maintenance issues this week, including a cultivator that suddenly decided to lock.  Enter a new cultivator replaced gratis by the store.

But the day has a silver lining.  I am going for a much needed massage.  Decided to do this weekly until my shoulder/neck issues resolve.

Yes, lots of maintenance going on.  What a metaphor metaphysically. Nerves have a lot to do with communication. There is a heightened hypertension which has gone on for years.  There is a deep layer of tension in my life review.  So it is time to let go.  Again.

Now it is important to save myself. Oh, this continual maintenance!

Finito!

The final products!  The top red tiny purse...and it is tiny - is for my granddaughter.

The bottom purse is patterned after my daughter's favorite purse.  I cut two out.  The second one she will sew.