Blessed

Do you sometimes feel as though you are living someone else's life?  I think this happens in all too many marriages.  Maybe even among folks who live together.

This happens especially when you are young.  Probably when you couple up before you know who you are.

I love being a free spirit.  I really am.  Always an independent person, even as a child, I could never understand on sleepovers while children cried for their parents.  I was so glad to be away from mine, to have a sleepover experience.  The whining and crying of my friends...frankly, annoyed me.  Even at ten.

It felt as though they were missing an opportunity, a great time.  An experience.  An opportunity to experience themself.

But experiences are changing for me.  For a while I thought I might have fibromyalgia.  After consideration, x-rays and lots and lots of medical/integrative/holistic evaluations, I succumb to accept that I have arthritis from head to toe. I tried an herbal patch on my neck this week to relieve some of the pain.  After wearing it 30 out of the 48 hours I was supposed to wear it, I ripped it off.  Nasty thing it was.  My neck is still stained from the ingredients.

This pain began at 40.  Despite what I do, it just gets worse.  I am grateful to be upright.  My mother had arthritis quite young.  So every year over 30 has been one of immense appreciation.

I started this blog speaking about living someone else's life.  Most of us do, you know.  Passive or active.  I live mine.  It is at times joyful, exhilarating, mostly peaceful and always realistic. 

I don't talk about this much.  Few close to me know how much pain I am really in.  It is a dull conversation at best.  I am not sure how long I can stay in my home.  It gets harder and harder to find help to do the things necessary for quality homeownership.  But I am here now. And tonight.

I am living my best life.  It has been quite a ride and I am sincerely grateful it has been as good as it has.  I am truly blessed.

The best part of being blessed  - I know it!