My wish is to be accepted for who and what I am. It's just after four a.m. I haven't slept well lately. Lots of things are on my mind. Am I so different than anyone else? Things bother me. Not every thing, but some things.
I remember my own thirties. I was the expert. Wanting to 'fix' my own mother. I was the newer generation. Newer ideas. Again, an expert. Mostly.
No one is given training in the business of mothering. We have all the skills and limitations brought from our own childhood. We are convinced we won't do this to 'our' children. We also won't gain weight like our parents. "I'll never look like this" is whispered by many offspring. I whispered that to my parents, too.
The other day I said to a gal pal, "What if we are given a certain amount of endurance, and, we work off that? Over time the ability to endure, wears thin." It feels like that to me. Only sometimes.
Another part of me says, "You are just fine as you are. It's other peoples' issues."
"But Mom, we want MORE for you. We love you and want you to be happy."
I wish we didn't have that conversation. It only makes me feel worse.
Recently another gal pal said to me, "I wish you could see your beauty. I wish you weren't so hard on you." This, I must confess comes from a woman who has a history of abusive spouses. She is in a really good place in her life now. Though her possessive, no longer abusive husband doesn't want her to have friends, or spend time with them. She is a part time friend. Mirrors, my friend, mirrors.
I was upset with her because she put up with this for so long Mirrors, blogger, mirrors.
We see in others what we do not have for ourselves. Mostly.
I don't want to be critical. I don't want others to be as well. It always. All ways comes back to this. Be the change.
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