It is well nigh hard to smile in the face of adversity these days. It has always been this way. We get so caught up in our ego, the fragile sense of ourselves that we have, that we forget to see all the connections in nature, in people. Even if the people or nature is behaving other than what we wish. This requires thinking our place in the universe. Balancing the ego more.
For a very long time, I have thought about how I want to spend my days. My friends know I have felt that I am in a holding zone, a bit down, but not depressed especially this past year. It isn't so much about being down as it is about reflecting. That I am being given information about a new way to be. I am more than open to this. It is time.
In talking with a dear friend recently, probably the one I share my deepest thoughts with, I talked about how I have been feeling inside. My anxieties, my fears, my frustrations. My friend took a lot of time with me - hours. This little conversation helped me immensely. I felt validated, though I realize the real validation comes from within. Connections are so powerful.
There is much joy in my life; I have caring friends. I never once take any of this lightly and my gratitude to them is huge. This is how I want to spend my remaining days. I want to live more in nature, to care for it in a way I have not before. Sure, I live in the woods, and I have about an acre and a half which is a dense forest. Animals know they can come here and be safe. Doing no harm is very important. But I want to take it to the next step.
I have asked the universe to aid me with this. Put people in front of me, draw me to them so I can do the work I am supposed to do. I also want people to feel they are blessed by me. Always. I think they know. They say they do.
The past eight months a critter has been digging large and not so large holes in the yard. I believe now, though I have not seen it, that it must be a skunk. The holes are a concern because I mow this area. Knowing that I am the interloper, I have been thinking about how best to handle this. Yes, handle the environment. But it isn't the environment that must be managed. It is me. It is quite another revelation as well as freeing. Surrender. And I like it!
The question becomes do I allow the land to just fill itself in? There is a septic tank in the area so it must be cleared regularly, lest the roots damage the system. My thoughts turn to just weed wacking it every so often and be done with it. I do not like the act of mowing. Seems a major waste of time to grow grass. Not to mention horrible for the environment.
If I get to build again, it will be a home that does little harm. Less harm than this one. Even though I was careful in its design, there are better technologies out there. The universe will put me wherever it serves.
Meanwhile, I do hope you enjoy this TED X talk. It talks about the connections near and dear to my heart. I hope you enjoy it.
https://www.ted.com/talks/louie_schwartzberg_nature_beauty_gratitude
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