Every once in a while, someone comes into your life who leaves a lasting imprint. My neighbor, Jerry, was like that.
A furniture maker by hobby, he could do just about anything. He was known in this area for helping anyone with a project. I suspect some of that was due to his overwhelming generosity and kindness. Part was to get away from a nasty wife.
During a few times in my life, Jerry offered to help me with a few things. He always asked if I needed help. On a few occasions, he talked about his marriage. It is always hard to hear about an unhappy marriage, especially if the unhappy person can't or won't leave. Such was the case with his situation.
People ultimately have to find their way. When Jerry's cancer returned, his wife did whatever she could to keep the neighbors out of any relationship they might have with this lovely man. He sold his home on the ridge across from mine and moved his wife back to Detroit. It wasn't any place where anyone could live. He didn't like the two bedroom condo on the Detroit River. I sent him photos of the house he built here. I think he appreciated them, but was saddened not to be here to pass.
He changed my furnace and water filters while I was away in New Hampshire for eighteen months. When I returned, he talked about his life. Wanting more but having to settle. The cancer was taking its toll. There was too much toxicity in his body and I suspect it had a lot to do with the life he had chosen to live with her.
Walking on. It isn't easy. It is permanent. Ultimately, you have to love yourself to want more. You also learn to cultivate friendships with other single people. Few coupled people have the courage to include a single person in their life. Women worry about competition for their mate. Sounds odd, doesn't it? And sad.
I suspect Jerry's widow will have to learn to create a life for herself, too. I wish her well and feel compassion for her misery. Life, after all, is what you make it.
So long, dear friend. And thank you.
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