This year's vacation throughout New England was one of the best I have known. First of all, I got to meander. I love to meander. Stop at a bookstore. A coffee shop. A gift store. I like to sample local lore and crafts.
One of the best things was the time I spent in my beloved Vermont. I vacationed there as a child with my family. I brought my own family there numerous times. It was always my first choice of a place to live. Sadly, the long and cold New England winters will keep me away from being a resident.
Then I spent time with my family in New Hampshire and Maine. These are two states with breathtaking shore views! If you haven't traveled there, it is a must!
Coming home is always filled with anticipation. And exhaustion, especially if it is a road trip. 2,400 miles in two weeks meant I was in my compact car a lot. It is a cozy car, great mileage and reasonably comfy.
Three days after I returned home, one of my dogs had the first of what would be three grand mal seizures. Now I am good in a crisis. I have been in a few near death ones. The death of others, not mine. Fortunately.
There is nothing like a crisis where you are rendered totally helpless. All you have is your own skill and loving heart and compassion. During my vacation I thought about this. The times in my life where I felt supported, the people who supported me and my own good common sense going through whatever I was going through. Self-reliability. That is the ticket.
Making the decision to put my dog down was easy. Saying goodbye was not. She was suffering and I would never let her suffer. Again. Thrice is enough. But I learned something during these few weeks. At the same time my dog had her grand mal, I came down with a horrendous urinary tract infection. On a weekend of all things. Fortunately it was only a few days of misery before I got the medication. Then my dog was seizuring. Then again. I took her to the vet and later that day she seizured the last time.
I cried more over Molly's passing than I have in many years. In those Niagara Falls tears, I let go of so many things that apparently had been hanging on. Then I got a horrible virus. No doubt due to a compromised immune system. I had already been on Elderberry and probiotics and lots of vitamins. The letting go had to happen.
So I cut my long fingerheads off, cut off my hair and decided to continue my reclusing. My home is cozy enough. A few trips into town is all I need. Really. I like my space. Quiet.
The finding enough part comes from within. From having no place to turn with sorrow. Your friends are there, if you are lucky. Mine sure were. But your wise body-mind tells you, forces you...to go deeper. To take a look at why...where...you suffer. Crying is therapeutic. It cleanses the self. It helps you to examine your belief systems about the universe. About government. About truth. Accountability. About yourself. To let go. Ultimately.
Finding enough? I am.
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