Tears fall gently this morning. Molly, my beloved dog, had another seizure. At 6:34 a.m. I was about to take her and Jessy to the bathroom. Molly was listing to the right, her mouth foaming and fluttering. I stand at the door. Helpless. Terrified. Sad.
Holding her for ten minutes or what seemed like eternity, I couldn't stop the seizure. A rhythmic pounding on the floor, she was sliding everywhere. Her life felt like it was leaving. I know it is time to prepare and I don't want her to go. Not now. Never.
I can hardly write this as I cry. Everything is so temporary. Joan Baez sings in the background. She feels our pain. Jessy, her sister is lost. She knows our time together is short. Three senior women. All going through their lifespans. Together. So much to be grateful for, so much love in our home. So many memories. I love them all.
Molly now sleeps in a crate at the animal hospital. Soon the vet will see her and her blood will be drawn. Some time tomorrow I will learn the results. Two seizures since Saturday. She was my healthy dog. My dear, dear friend. She still is. She will always be. She understands.
Molly is the family matriarch. She sets the tone and we know when she is unhappy. She keeps Jessy in line. Today, she kept me in line. Kneeling close to her, I told her how much I love her, that she will always be in my heart. Outcome is outcome. I guess. Numbers. It all comes down to numbers. But her life is more than that.
I don't know what the numbers will be. I can't live on them. Nor can she. I will know when it is time. Time to part. It is getting closer.
Love is ultimately letting go. Loving enough, to let go. The tears won't stop. Not today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8uCehZkO7Fw
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