Feeling Fully First

I don't know where to begin with my sadness.  It is more than disappointment.  It had to do with a future. And I am new at this. 

I always tell others to feel fully first.  My head is heavier than ever.  My neck feels like there is a twenty pound weight on it.  I have had this feeling for two months now.  I don't like that I am psychic, that I know things that are happening. Especially with my family.  The knowing is quickening now. More than ever.  That is why I had to move. 

A friend called me today who was upset.  I felt my friend's pain for some time now.  For me this psychic ability has been lifelong.  I don't know why I was called to have this knowing.  It is heavier than ever at this writing. I know what people need to do to be healed.  Their pain is very deep to me.  But it is not for me to tell them this.  We make the rut until we collapse in it.  Only then are we ready to climb out.

I have had my own ruts.  Being psychic doesn't mean you see these things for and in yourself.  But you sure feel them for those around you.  And it comes in bits and pieces often.

Like with my uncle.  He is failing fast and just got out of the hospital again.  The last of our kin.  He had such triumph in his later years.  His found his joy.  His girlfriend was always there for him.  She is 78 now.  He is 93.  I love watching her love him.

And there is another dear to my heart who is suffering.  Practical, philosophical.  This person expected something to occur.  Now it will be delayed. It wasn't complete clear what was happening, either.  But something was different than it usually is.  It has kept me up for nights.  Weeks. Months.

I keep confidences well.  I will keep this one.  Despite the tears flowing down my cheeks.  In my heart. I want to be alone.