Where I Am

Morning came early  4 a.m. to be precise!  Still feeling the zombie-ness of the residual flu.  I suspect it will take a while til I feel good again.  But something was definitely on my mind! I'd been meditating on this for a while.

Then the coughing began. Just as I hoped I was over this flu, it reminded me "not so fast."

It took a while to get here. You've been amassing a lot of junk in your head for some time. Let go.

"You have to earn your way out of this one" I thought as I toweled off getting ready to toilet the dogs on this rainy and cold morning.

Fifteen minutes later I began writing my experience.

I am the observer.  Suddenly this life I've been living, this sense of who I am separated from me.  It was as though I were floating over myself.  At once everything was more clear.  A whole new perspective.  Instantly, I was saddened by the countless hours wasted in thinking the same thoughts day after day.  Before...I thought I was the observer.  I was not.  I was the doing.  Though not as much as I had done in the past.  Still a 'doing.'

Slipping tights and boots on my little black knit dress and a periwinkle cardigan for warmh,  I looked in the mirror. Silent.  As though seeing things as they are for the first time.

Where have I been? I've been gone a long time. 

"It's really okay.  It is more than okay.  I've just been really sick.  Sick of my thoughts.  Wanting to let go of two years of feeling unsettled. Wanting a relationship that hasn't manifested. Someone with whom to share a sweet life.  What if I..."

Byron Katie whispered in my ear, "Where would you be without those thoughts?" I sent her a smile and a whole lot of appreciation.

"Right here, having this delightful experience.  Where I am."