Again

It's a searing pain.  Goes right to the bone. Mostly at night.  And in the morning when I awaken.  That is when the loneliness thing happens.

Pretty much I have learned how to get into bed.  Alone.  Pillows are positioned.  Expectant.  I lean toward the right.  They tell me it is healthier for your heart. My heart is healthy, but more than lonely.  I say goodnight.  Tell him how much I love him.  That I am glad he came into my life.

Sometimes we talk, he and I.  Well, I do all the talking.  I think he would listen.  Then we trail off to sleep. It doesn't happen in the early morning too much anymore. I have enough to do with the animals just to get us ready for the day.  That helps. I miss him.  What it could be.

Loving to get out and about first thing, it could be the gym, or the coffee shop, or an errand that can not wait. I do love mornings.  And lunch.  Especially with a friend.  I am meeting new ones here.  They are more than delightful.  I cherish all of them.  I think they know.

They seem to know when the loneliness thing happens.  That is when they seem to call.  But I am not meant to be solo.  Though, there are aspects of going solo I do enjoy.  I like the sharing, cuddling, the comings and goings of the day.  Every day.  I like missing you.  I want to know what that feels like again.

Again.