Going Home

For the past fourteen months, I have wrestled with living in an apartment.  I came to this area to be closer to family.  But the fact is, family has their own life.  And mine, from what I can tell, isn't here.  In the back of my mind, I suspected this.  It made my children's lives easier.  It made mine harder.

Without going into private details, I need to live on my own.  In a place that feels like home.  While I love the openness of New Hampshire, the Smokies felt more like home than any place I have ever lived.  I don't miss my specific house.  I do miss privacy. The land.  The people.

The work at my house had become too difficult.  I needed to hire out more.  For the difference in what I pay to live in NH, I could live like a king in North Carolina.  Or queen.  I'll still see my children.  But I will see myself in a whole new light.

It doesn't have to be the same house.  It could be Asheville.  I do love the whole area.  So for now, I will sit with things as they are.  Let them gel a bit.  See how I feel. Watch my back.

Things haven't changed much at the 'home.'  The maintenance man sexually harasses, snoops and G-d knows what else.  The property manager sits in her office, skirting to the patio to smoke intensely a dozen times a day.  Then it is back into her office. She shakes and it is just plain sad.


The universe brought me here for a reason.  I suspect it was to test the waters.  I don't know if I am done here in NH or in the 'home.'  There is something about to happen and I will get direction soon enough.  Until then, I am having a plain New York bagel. Maybe a bit of butter on it. Then I am going for a vanilla latte when the sun comes up and enjoying the fall weather.  I may be in North Carolina sooner that I think.